Hurt
by under.that.sun
Summary: Living with the person you love, but not being happy, instead you feel hurt, it pains your chest and you know that life with him is more painful than being without him... Songfic (I think?) yaoi - manxman, AU, ZoSan.


**A.N. … I don't like writing sad stories, but unfortunately I read one… I blame 'Me, You, Them, and Us' I read it and got depressed… And then wrote this sad lyric/song/poem thingy… And while writing it I thought up this story, so here it is!**

**Warnings: yaoi – manxman, AU.**

**Disclaimer: *turns on depressing music* I soooo don't own One Piece, but the song/lyric/poem thingy is mine…**

HURT

Zoro's POV

_Oh oh oh, love hurt you more than you thought,_

_Oh oh oh, being together is not as easy as you thought…_

I looked through the window; fuck, it's raining, I hate rain, he gets especially moody in this kind of weather…

I heard the door open and light steps come into the living room, I closed my eyes; here it comes… "You fucking Marimo! What did I tell you about drinking in the middle of the day!" Sanji took the bottle from my hands. "Why am I with such an alcoholic like you it's a mystery to me!"

_Shouting with all your might_

I felt anger rise in me; he comes home and the first words he says are insults? Well fuck him. "And why am I with such a chain-smoker like you is a mystery to me, our apartment always reeks of your cigarettes!"

"Our trash can is always full of empty booze bottles! And your booze also takes half of our fridge!"

I stood up; I need to be in his eye level. "And the apartment is full of your ashtrays!"

"You don't know word 'tidiness'! Your stuff is always lying around and you never pick it up!"

"You try to pick up every girl you see!"

"You know what? I'm out of here! I'm going back to the Baratie!"

_You stomp away with angry gaze,_

_Slamming doors you leave me in a haze_

I watch him through the window, he's angrily stomping back to the direction of his restaurant; fuck him, I don't need him… I went to the kitchen and looked through the lunch I made by one of his receipt books, I looked through the meal and threw it out; he doesn't like wasting food, but I'm not eating this alone when I made it for the two of us…

_And I'm so hurt I could cry…_

_Oh oh oh, love hurt you more than you thought,_

_Oh oh oh, being together is not as easy as you thought…_

"Again?"

I just nodded and walked through Yosaku into his and Johnny's house, I went straight to the kitchen, opened the fridge and took out beer; it won't be enough, but it's better to start with this… I opened it and gulped down half of its contents, I took three more bottles and went to the living room, my friends were sitting on the sofa and whispering about something, probably me, but it doesn't matter…

_Thinking back it all makes sense –_

I went up the stairs to the second floor; there's a reason why I came to their and not anyone else's house… I went to the room at the end of the corridor of the second floor, it was small, but I came here not for its size, I sat down and leaned on the wall. I looked up, this roof was completely made of glass as well as two of its walls.

_We weren't friends when we first met,_

I watched the rain tapping the roof and closed my eyes; why it had to turn out like this? I started laughing; yea, that's why – the first thought that went into my head when I first saw him was 'Perverted idiot'. I rubbed my eyes; and up till we had sex I have never considered him being engaging.

And the reason we had sex could be called accidental, we were sparing to let some steam of and the fight became close and heated. One thing led to another and we ended up on the floor, I was on top of him, his lips were close, his face was sweaty and his blue eyes were shining from adrenaline. And those thin lips were so inviting…

_Rivalry and anger got us here,_

We had sex and I had to admit that I never felt so good, even though we only argued until then we decided to have a relationship, people who only argue and hate each other don't have sex, so we decided to try…

_Lust filled us and made us pair._

I opened my eyes and saw that it's already morning, I had a blanket over me; probably one of them brought it to me. Numerous empty bottles that I drank last night lied next to me, I cursed and stood up; I owe them once again…

The rain outside had stopped, but the clouds were still up there. I picked up the empty bottles; I will throw them out as I go. I looked at the sky; it's been two years since we started dating, half year since we moved in together. And for the last two months we had been having argument after an argument…

_Oh oh oh, love hurt you more than you thought,_

_Oh oh oh, being together is not as easy as you thought…_

I walked back to our apartment slowly and the closer we got to it the more irritated I became. Why the fuck he has to be such an idiot? I always drink as he always smokes, that's just how we are, we never argued about it and always understood each other about our habits. But now it's the main reason we argue, he always complain about my booze and I can't help, but get annoyed of his cigarette butts everywhere.

_You run after every skirt you see_

_And your mood changes every time you see me,_

And I can't stand that every time we go on a date he swoons over every woman he sees. Aren't we a couple? Can't he stop swooning even for a second? Is it that hard? I don't ask for something impossible – only for his full attention. Why do I have to watch him flirt when we're supposed to have nice time?

_I try to put up with all your flaws,_

_But being with you hurts more than without you…_

I felt anger flow through my body, but more than angry I felt hurt, I care for him so much, I would do anything for him? And he? He can't even give me his full attention…

_Oh oh oh, love hurt you more than you thought,_

_Oh oh oh, being together is not as easy as you thought…_

Our apartment building came into my view and I looked at our kitchen window, I saw a figure there, but then it turned around and walked away. Sometimes when I would come back late, he would wait for me in the kitchen and when he would see me would wave…

I sighed; all the anger had disappeared from me, all that's left is emptiness and hurt. Seeing him every day, having him by the length of my arm, but not being able to completely have him. Knowing that at home I will have him all for myself, but while outside he will be for every female, but not me. I felt a sting in my chest; why I have to feel like this? Why can't we a normal pair, well as normal as two men can be.

_I'm tired of our rows and temporary break ups,_

I don't want to be hurt like this anymore, what did I do to deserve this? Nothing, I didn't do anything to be treated like this.

_Getting angry at every single thing you do,_

I walked into our apartment and heard the TV on; Sanji doesn't watch TV unless he's completely pissed off. I went through the living room without casting a glance at him; if I do I might change my mind… I walked into our bedroom and took of my journey bag from under our bed, I also took my swords; I won't be leaving them here.

_I don't think we can be together any more,_

I started filling my bag and when I was almost done I heard footsteps, the stopped at the doorway. "Where are you going?"

There it is his tone, he isn't asking, he's demanding for an answer, I closed my bag; this much will be enough. "I'm leaving, I can't stand this anymore, we're always fighting, we can't be in the same room without fighting. So I'm leaving, I'm breaking up with you, I don't want to be like this anymore, it seems we're better off apart."

_So let's break up this time for sure…_

I raised my head and looked at him, his face was frozen in shock, Sanji looked so vulnerable that it pained my chest; no, I'm not getting hurt by him anymore… I shoved him away from the doorway and walked out of our apartment, I kept repeating the same mantra; we're better off apart, we're better off apart…

_Oh oh oh, love hurt you more than you thought,_

_Oh oh oh, being together is not as easy as you thought…_

"One more!"

The barmen looked at me worried. "Sir, maybe you should stop…"

"I said more! I'm paying, so if I ask more than I drink more."

A hand landed on my shoulder. "Sir I think you should leave."

I looked up at the bulky guard and sighed. "Fine."

I put the money on the bar counter and walked off; I can find another bar…

_I drown myself in all liquor I can find_

I took a deep breath; I need to find another bar… I started walking down the street looking for a bar and bumped into someone. "Oh, sorry."

I looked at the face of 'the person in whom I bumped into and saw blonde haired young girl, pain shot through my chest and I walked away. Shit, why it hurts just seeing someone who has similar hair…? Fuck, fuck, fuck, I don't need this feeling, I need more drinks…

_And I know that, 'Shit, I'm not fine',_

I only walked several steps until I punched a wall; fuck it, this feeling doesn't disappear… I squatted down, put my hands on my face and took a deep breath; that's not good, no good at all… I need to forget him, to get him out of my mind, of my memories, of my skin…

I took my hands of my face and started staring at them; the bracelet… The silver bracelet he gave me for our two year anniversary… I stared at it for several seconds and then rolled my sleeves down, so it would be out of my view; if I can't take it off, at least I won't look at it…

_It hurts like hell being like this,_

I stood up; I will be fine, time will pass and the pain will fade away, maybe my heart won't heal properly, but it will be better than when we argued… Maybe we will even pass this stage and will be able to become friends? It would be enough just to have a laugh together… I shook my head; no, I shouldn't give myself illusions, we will never go back to how we were, we were too close for that. To intimate to go back to friendship or at least rivalry…

Suddenly an image of Sanji laying on the sand bellow me during our summer vacation shot into my head. Pain spread through my chest and I tried to forget, not to remember how happy we were on those several days. How wonderful it was, it was just the two of us on that beach, we camped at it for several days, it didn't rain and was warm, so we slept under the sky without a tent…

'_Cause even with your flaws and wrongs I loved you…_

It's all over now, no more heated sex under the moon, no more sweet mornings together, I won't be hearing his laugh again… If I keep thinking like this, I won't be forgetting him any time soon, or I won't be able to forget him at all…

_Oh oh oh, love hurt you more than you thought,_

_Oh oh oh, being together is not as easy as you thought…_

"We're not letting you buy any more alcohol sir, we're worried about your health."

Without saying anything I stood up and left, I already paid for all my drinks. This was the third bar I have been asked to leave, good thing there's still a lot more of them in this city…

_I visit bar after a bar_

I opened the door and walked into half-empty bar, it's long before midnight and most of the people have left bar and pubs. The only ones who left were heavy drinkers, or people like me – trying to drink their sorrows away. There was someone sitting by the bar, well more like lying on the bar, but I didn't even looked at him and sat next to him. "Double whiskey."

I heard oh, so familiar groan and turned at the stranger, who turned out to be not a stranger at all, it was Sanji. I felt my eyes widen as I looked over him, his eyes were red; obviously from crying; his hair was a mess and his suit was crumpled. He looked over me and laughed. "It seems I'm so drunk I started hallucinating…" He turned to the bartender. "Can you call me a cab? I doubt I can walk home after starting to hallucinate…"

"You're not imagining things."

_And stumble into your drunken mess,_

His eyes widened and he turned at me blinked several times, laughed like a mad man – desperately and hopefully. "I'm not, huh? Well it would be better if I was, I'm not ready to see you yet."

"Me nether, you seem almost as bad as me…"

"Oh shut it Marimo, you seems perfectly fine."

"Yea and that's why I've been asked out of three bar already."

"Don't you ever get drunk?"

"It seems like no."

Silence fell and I cast a quick glance at Sanji's side, I just couldn't look him in the face, it hurt way too much just sitting next to him. He was looking away; it seems I'm not the only one who's hurt just by being side by side. Every word he said to me was filled with a drop with regret and pain and no matter how much he tried to hide it, I could still heart it.

_It seems we both can't take being apart,_

"Hey Zoro." I turned at Sanji a little surprised; it's been a long time since I heard my name from those lips being said normally. "I miss you."

The wave of pain that followed those words was so big, I thought I was going explode; how can such a small object in your chest create so much pain? How can that organ made of muscles make me feel so depressed and lonely? "Yea… Me too…"

Another moment of silence followed, only this time we looked at each other. I studied every inch of his face and remembered how I kissed every spot of it. How I caressed it with my thumbs, how beautiful and peaceful he looked with his eyes closed. This huge want of having that once again hit me, I wanted to touch him, to caress his skin, to make him mine…

"Hey Sanji…" I saw small wave of pain go through his face. "Let's try once again."

_So maybe let's start again?_

Sanji froze, he became emotionless and cold; maybe he doesn't want to try to be together…?

Suddenly he wrapped his arms around my neck and buried his face in my chest. "You idiot!" his voice was shaky as he started sobbing. "Who would want…" His voice broke down as his sobs worsened, I wrapped my hand around him and brought him closer. "Who would want an idiot like you?!"

Somehow between his sobs Sanji managed to squeeze out that stupid question, I squeezed him tighter. "You, you, only an idiot like you would try one more time…"

_Oh oh oh, love hurt you more than you thought,_

Sobs started to become rarer and rarer as the blonde in my arms calmed himself down, he took out a handkerchief and blew his nose. Then he looked up at me with his eyes still red and I felt like the worst person on Earth to have hurt him. "Yea, you're right, I must be a bigger idiot than you to want your lazy ass back so badly."

_Oh oh oh, being together is not as easy as you thought…_

I chuckled lowly, with a sad voice and put a peck on his forehead; oh, how I missed his way of speech… "We will need to talk about a lot of things…"

He nodded and leaned on my chest. "About a shit load of things."

I started caressing his hair and hummed in agreement; it feels good having him next to me, the pain in my chest is gone… It's like suddenly my heart went back to its own matters and decided not to bother me anymore.

_Oh oh oh, let's try as many times as we need,_

I stood up and paid for my double whisky I didn't even touch, I wrapped my hand around Sanji's waist and started walking out of the bar; we need to get him home, to our home, to a place that I once again will start calling home. We will argue again, it's inevitable, but this time I know what I will need to do – we will talk it out and if that doesn't help I will kidnap him and we will have sex until we forget the reason why we argued…

Yea, I will do that, I want him to much to leave him and as it seems it's mutual we will work it out and if we don't – we will just try again…

'_Cause oh oh oh, our love was so so sweet…_

**A.N. Here it is… Pretty long I think… but it turned out quiet nice don't you think? I do! I hope you enjoyed and if you want to read all of my song/lyric/poem thingy, here it is:**

HURT

Oh oh oh, love hurt you more than you thought,

Oh oh oh, being together is not as easy as you thought…

Shouting with all your might

You stomp away with angry gaze,

Slamming doors you leave me in a haze

And I'm so hurt I could cry…

Oh oh oh, love hurt you more than you thought,

Oh oh oh, being together is not as easy as you thought…

Thinking back it all makes sense –

We weren't friends when we first met,

Rivalry and anger got us here,

Lust filled us and made us pair.

Oh oh oh, love hurt you more than you thought,

Oh oh oh, being together is not as easy as you thought…

You run after every skirt you see,

And your mood changes every time you see me,

I try to put up with all your flaws,

But being with you hurts more than without you…

Oh oh oh, love hurt you more than you thought,

Oh oh oh, being together is not as easy as you thought…

I'm tired of our rows and temporary break ups,

Getting angry at every single thing you do,

I don't think we can be together any more,

So let's break up this time for sure…

Oh oh oh, love hurt you more than you thought,

Oh oh oh, being together is not as easy as you thought…

I drown myself in all liquor I can find,

And I know that, 'Shit, I'm not fine',

It hurts like hell being like this,

'Cause even with your flaws and wrongs I loved you…

Oh oh oh, love hurt you more than you thought,

Oh oh oh, being together is not as easy as you thought…

I visit bar after a bar

And stumble into your drunken mess,

It seems we both can't take being apart,

So maybe let's start again?

Oh oh oh, love hurt you more than you thought,

Oh oh oh, being together is not as easy as you thought…

Oh oh oh, let's try as many times as we need,

'Cause oh oh oh, our love was so so sweet…


End file.
